“Music is the phrases we’re too afraid to speak. The lines that can’t be said any other way. An international language that can be manipulated, harmonised with and modulated. The way we choose to make the world a better place.”— Roaring Fox
Rain pattering against the cold fogged up glass, staring at the lights of the city; running continuously never halted. Especially for someone like me… Rain symbolic of the tears i cry, the rumble of the thunder resembling my hysteria, the lightning showing my random outbursts of anguish.
Questioning, wondering, reminiscing to the memories of a lifetime …of their lifetime.
Memories triggering strong emotions,
Questions flowing as quickly as tears; now pouring:”Why did you have to leave, why so early, you deserved better!”
The shock still lingering, the pain ever so present and reminding.
Emotions changing like the ever so cliché roller-coaster ride of a teenager.
A comforting hand placed on my shoulder, one unseen to all but myself.
As she whispered, “I am still here, and always shall be”
When you’re dreaming with a broken heart
Then waking up is the hardest part
You roll outta bed and down on your knees
And for a moment you can hardly breathe
Wondering was she really here?
Is she standing in my room?
No she’s not, ‘cause she’s gone, gone, gone, gone, gone….
When you’re dreaming with a broken heart
The giving up is the hardest part
She takes you in with her crying eyes
Then all at once you have to say goodbye
Wondering could you stay my love?
Will you wake up by my side?
No she can’t, ‘cause she’s gone, gone, gone, gone, gone…
Tumbling down the long dark hole, a fireball created as it progresses deeper, moving through other such vessels spreading coarsely throughout the dark complicated tunnel system warming as it emerges to never seen places.
A sense of giddyness, happiness, idiocy, and a supreme feeling of Invincibility.
Nothing can stop me now.
The *Thump thump tump* increases in pace, the warmth now spread throughout the complex tunnel system. Whilst within that appealing artificial warmth, a cold darkness emerges. What is real?
The answerable questions appear, increasing ever so frequently…
Invincibility to uncertainty… what will emerge as victor?
The slow warmth, or the rapid cool darkness camouflaging with the dark complicated tunnels that pre-exist.
*Splash, splash splash*
"Wake up, can you hear me?"
A worrisome face emerges from the darkness, a friendly face unrecognisable in this delerious state.
I am loved.
And so are you.
Hey all, just thought i should post something completely random, this was the work of my fingertips going crazy (not an actual situation although probably having occurred to someone). I thought i should post something decent since you guys haven’t been getting anything from me lately… ;)
For those, who have always been there for me, regardless of the time of night, topic, or just how much of an asshole i have been, thank you.
You guys have made a significant difference to me in the past couple of weeks or however long you have helped. It truly means a lot to me, and it has made me both a better, and happier person because of it.
I love each one of you dearly, thank you. I cannot say it enough,
and to everyone else, yeah i guess you’re cool too… :P
they will slaughter you, murder you, kill you from the inside out. rape you, take what ever dignity you believe you had left and throw it away like the butt of their last cigarette. crush your soul, saw your limbs and pound your major arteries. watching you suffer, that will be the most enjoyable part. they will take every emotion you feel and document it, you’ll be noted as another medal, victim. you’ll be admired like you admired your participation trophy in football when you were six. it meant nothing, but you still adored it with everything you had. such unconditional love. this isn’t love. this is feeding their ego, feeding their fucking sick, dirty minds. captivating all their sick fantasies. girl, you weren’t the first. nor will you be the last. this group is every where. eating the innocent youth of today up. such expression shouldn’t be touched lightly, they don’t stop with the youth. these suckers start from day one, attacking the children, until you sign out of this miserable waiting game, they’ll have a hold on you. you can fake your strength. you can fake your apathy. it bothers you, it bothers us all. your resolute values won’t be noticed here. your flying under the radar, atleast thats what they make you believe. but day by day, each ticking hour, minute.. they are counting every single one of us, preserving us untill it’s our time. our time to shine. at that moment, that very moment you relise this is the end. your stomach twists and turns, inside out filling you up until you can taste it, your breathing it. this impulse, it’s controlling you. you become paranoid and anxious. this is the defining moment, if you don’t perform you’ll be thrown out like the rest of us. has been’s. your name will be forgotten. those dreams you had of being known, streets and parks opened in your dieing honour. peaks of interest, your belongings, worthless pieces of junk auctioned off for thousands. forget them, forget everything. because with a heart like yours and world like this, you’ll never survive. you don’t have a chance of out living this plague.
Don’t tell me its too hard You were never there from the start I’m not about to give this up Giving up was never enough
And so the sky becomes a dream I never dreamt because I’m just too busy Waiting for nothing and wasting away And so the sky it watched my dreams Fall to pieces right in front of me Cause I’m just too busy Waiting for nothing and wasting away
And I’d never wish for anything more Than to find what I’ve been looking for And I swore to myself I wouldn’t lie to myself How could I let this happen? So I take myself aside to take the time To tell myself its alright Cause you weren’t there to dry my eyes
Portion of the lyrics to ‘Wasting Away - Tonight Alive’
Highly recommend that band.
They are an awesome underground band emerging through :)
You know? You continue to amaze me? Your personality for one, it really is unique. You are always there, despite me not asking for it, i value it so much. Possibly more than i let on… Yes, i have had these hardships for many years, yes they have affected me in so many different ways, however, small things like the ones you do for me. They make a huge difference. You said once; “Its honestly not that much of a big deal”, to you maybe, it may not be, but to me, it honestly changed my life, and my thoughts, increased my appreciation for you. I could continue going on forever talking about how much of a difference you have made, and how great a person you are. But three things i want to say? Please Continue what you are doing for others, me and yourself. Its amazing. It means a lot. Do not doubt yourself. If need be I’m here for you as well. and most importantly thank-you, truly.
This applies to a few people who i consider to be my greatest friends, you know who you are.
Thank you. It means a lot. I cannot thank you enough.
When was the last time you sat and listened? absorbed what was going around you. Pause. Stop. Let it all slow down, Forget. You will catch up. Listen. Hear that? Heard before but never listened to, Birds chirping, leaves rustling, wind blowing. Always here, never heard, never seen, always forgotten.
Found this recently, thought it was appropriate. Get over it, they’re people too.
A mutual friend of ours threw a big party for her 30th birthday, tons of people were there and it was a lot of fun. Somewhere along the line you and I ended up on the balcony for some fresh air at the same time. We started chatting; we talked about sports, books, tv – discovered we both are about to start our masters degrees and spent some time debating the pro’s and con’s of the educational system. We talked about hanging out sometime, and you wanted to meet my girlfriend.
I understand how upsetting it was for you when I blinked mildly in surprise and said I was here with my husband. I know it was a shock to your system, if your face had turned any paler I might have called 911. You made a good recovery though – that hurried mutter of “I’m not like that” was very polite and you only knocked over two drinks and one vase in your hurry to rush to anywhere other than near me. I can’t blame you – I forgot how delicate you straight boys are. So I wanted to give you a few helpful hints about where you went wrong last night.
1) As a general rule we don’t walk around with big signs around our neck proclaiming our sexuality. No scarlet letters, no scent of hellfire and brimstone… sorry about that.
2) We do not generally assume that everyone within 5 feet of us must also be homosexual – it was nice of you to immediately reassure me that you are hetero, but it was really unnecessary.
3) Homosexuality is not infectious. While I am sure you meant no disrespect with your hasty departure; in the future you can rest assured that taking a few extra seconds in your mad dash for safety will not result in you being turned gay. It will however keep you from destroying expensive vases and knocking over senior citizens.
4) This next one may come as a surprise; but you are not, in fact, irresistible. The fact that you have a dick does not instantly turn me into a bundle of uncontrolled lust. Contrary to popular opinion, being in the same room with a straight man does not cause a gay man to instantly lose all common sense and basic common courtesy. Though I am not so sure about the reverse.
5) Homosexuals in general get a little irked when people treat us like some sort of leper. Rushing to another mutual friend of ours and advising him of my sexuality, so he could be “forewarned” was really uncalled for.
6) Upon being told (by said mutual friend) to stop being an idiot and that you were not my type anyway… it generally confuses the issue when you then proceed to become upset that I DON’T find you attractive. Three seconds ago you were running through a crowd of people with your hands cupped protectively over your junk as if I might attack you at any moment with a blowjob. See hint number 4.
7) We homosexuals have an odd sense of humor – I can’t help that. Something about watching you freak out as if all the demons of hell were after you just struck me as vastly amusing.
8) While being pissed at me for dissolving into uncontrollable laughter might be understandable… gathering a couple guys together to “teach the fag a lesson” is not.
9) You might also want to drink a little less and be a little more careful about the guys you approach for your little proto-hate-mob
10) Assuming the two tall muscle-bound bruisers must be uber-hetero and just as appalled by my presence as you was your first mistake. It was an understandable one though. How were you to know that pflag tshirt the first guy was wearing wasn’t a sports team? Also the rainbow ring the second guy was wearing could have meant anything I am sure.
11) In retrospect I suppose that upon hearing your not very subtle hate-talk and seeing who you were heading for; I could have said something instead of just laughing harder. I apologize for that. I should have just introduced you to my husband instead of letting you walk up to him and ask him if he wanted to help you teach “that fag over there” a lesson. I hope that broken nose heals up cleanly.