The Winged Avenger - Part Two
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I am no ordinary human being, my image to a stranger would in fact be quite off-putting at first. After the initial disbelief however, I can apparently be quite settling, relaxing someone if you will.
I suppose I should explain my cryptic tellings of this story from the beginning.
From the age of two my life began its disturbing, yet somehow fascinating struggle catalysed by a chain of events that would irrevocably change my life.
My parents perished in an airline accident mid-flight as they returned from my fathers business trip over the pacific, they had apparently been gone two weeks, the trip was meant to have changed our lives, I was meant to go, however it was planned at short notice leaving me in the care of my neighbour.
It was never explained to me until my 18th birthday what had happened to my parents, in fact I was not aware of the fact that my god parents were in fact not my real parents.
I did not really have a normal childhood come to think of it, neither of my parents worked like normal parents would; my father rarely left my side and my mother could always be found in the kitchen or in her study, absorbed by the pale glow of her computer screen, as well as the considerable amount of time spent on her phone in low tones.
Upon my 18th birthday my father, well… Godfather, sat me down, his eyes grim and full of regret, he described the lies i had been fed since my parents deaths, his role as my god father. With a deep sigh he began outlining the horrific details which were explained within the coroners report:
“As it was a charter airline the Montague’s were the only passengers on Flight DT5322. After analysis of the wreckage and the black box it is clear that the right wing engine was tampered with; the fuel line was loosened in an attempt to reduce the plane to one engine, causing the plane to be inoperable. The unfortunate timing of the fuel line detaching from the engine resulted in a crash of the plane, this combined with the location of the plane at the time of detachment would not allow for the captain to prevent the unfortunate death of crew and passengers.”
I got up from my chair; eyes misty, filled with tears as much as my heart was with anguish as I went to leave the room.
I would never forget the following moment as i passed my god mother’s slightly ajar door. Hearing the hushed words from her mouth into a phone that were not intended for my ears shook me to the core.
“Yes, yes It was me who did it…”
“It had to be done…”
-Roaring Fox
My New Reality
I’m numb. I sit here at my desk, writing in an attempt to clear my head, in preparation for the long journey ahead, sleep will not come easy….
They say life is predetermined… well it’s contested, some like to think otherwise..
I was once the same.
After all my troubles, lost loves, and heartbreaks, I no longer want to be responsible for the hardships that have crossed my path.
I want to be free of the guilt.
I approach my bed, my sanctuary, I want to sleep even earlier tonight, but sleep will not come easy…
The shadows that fill up the corners await for the sun to set, ready to plague my night, pushing sleep out of reach for fear of the unknown.
My eyes droop, yet my anxiety peaks I struggle for peace, for rest. Tossing and turning, restlessly, I am unable to fight the shadows which now linger above me, filling my room. Light is now the minority, slowly fading away, there is no hope for me now, there is no turning back.
I feebly try to think positively, try to pull my sheets closer around me; a mock shield for the deadly enemy.
My thoughts are penetrated, streams of blackness pour in, invading every ounce of conscious thought, my mind is no longer free, and the emotions that fall with it, suppressed, held against my will.
I have become nothing, but a raging inconsolable stranger to those whom I love, and love me, what’s left of them.
My eyes can no longer fight it, giving up by closing my eyelids, to let in what final madness can be established within the last place of hope.
My dreams.
No longer can I escape the reality that is my own, no longer can I look forward to dreaming; leaving behind my troubles and fears, no longer can I visit my hopes and aspirations, of which will one day could have been.
They will never be fulfilled, destiny has already chosen my fate, for now I relax, the now addictive darkness overriding my fears, pushing me further into my inescapable nightmares.
My new reality.
-Roaring Fox
(Source: roaringfox)
Doors…
The world was going mad..
Reminiscing on my balcony, sitting in a deck chair.
Watching the busy city move throughout its evening, a glass of scotch in my hand, ice cubes clinking together, i leaned back, thinking to myself.. What went wrong…
The last few weeks had been shocking, all over the place… yet, strangely interesting.
The music in my bedroom behind me was filtering through the open doorway, progressing to my ears just at the right level to prevent car noises and the nightly operations of the city.
My mind wandering to the people who mean to me most.
Doors slamming in the cars below, bringing me back to reality, doors closing..
It hit me, this was why i was so moody lately… My friends moving on, getting married, moving on through their lives, them only just beginning, whilst mine, mine hadn’t even started..
I was losing everyone.. People were starting new jobs, having kids, moving on to new places.
The doors were closing on me. Their doors. My door, to their life.
What was I? Nothing but a nobody, nobody cared about me.
The intercom buzzed beside me, i looked over the balcony to the girl below. I smiled. Without answering I buzzed her in, she looked up, a smile spread across her face.
She came up, holding a six pack of beers. Hugging me tightly from behind, no words were spoken, we always managed to have that mental connection. That enlightenment, she always knew what to do.
She was the door that remained open, leading to others being opened also.
She was mine. And i was hers.
-Roaring Fox
(Source: roaringfox)
Doors…
The world was going mad..
Reminiscing on my balcony, sitting in a deck chair.
Watching the busy city move throughout its evening, a glass of scotch in my hand, ice cubes clinking together, i leaned back, thinking to myself.. What went wrong…
The last few weeks had been shocking, all over the place… yet, strangely interesting.
The music in my bedroom behind me was filtering through the open doorway, progressing to my ears just at the right level to prevent car noises and the nightly operations of the city.
My mind wandering to the people who mean to me most.
Doors slamming in the cars below, bringing me back to reality, doors closing..
It hit me, this was why i was so moody lately… My friends moving on, getting married, moving on through their lives, them only just beginning, whilst mine, mine hadn’t even started..
I was losing everyone.. People were starting new jobs, having kids, moving on to new places.
The doors were closing on me. Their doors. My door, to their life.
What was I? Nothing but a nobody, nobody cared about me.
The intercom buzzed beside me, i looked over the balcony to the girl below. I smiled. Without answering I buzzed her in, she looked up, a smile spread across her face.
She came up, holding a six pack of beers. Hugging me tightly from behind, no words were spoken, we always managed to have that mental connection. That enlightenment, she always knew what to do.
She was the door that remained open, leading to others being opened also.
She was mine. And i was hers.
-Roaring Fox
(Source: roaringfox)
That one call….
That one phone call, that one dreaded message,
Rain falling, thunder rumbling.
The television flashing images of worry, frustration, regret, hate, shock.
Why did she hang up, why was she crying? This isn’t like her, i look to the photos on the mantelpiece by the door. I’ve never seen her this upset, she’s scaring me, i don’t know what to say, i shouldn’t have let her go.
I get up, tears forming, filled with worry and regret, i’m going to fix this, make it all better. I grab the keys from the bench reach for my coat and leave the house.
Fumbling with the lock i manage to open the driver side door, i sit down dropping my keys by my feet, i curse to myself, my car has no lights inside any-more, having recently blown. Cursing more i desperately look for the keys hair falling over my face. A bright flash of lightning, lighting up the innermost darkness of the car, my keys just beside my hand, sitting innocently as if they were looking at me, ‘I was here all the time’.
Growling i grab the keys, starting the car, it groans in shock of being started at such a late point of the night ‘I’m trying to sleep here, come back later’. I punch the steering wheel in frustration. It starts,
Smiling but grimacing at the same time, my hand now aching I’ll regret that in the morning. I drive down the road, now regretting the punch even more, aching a dull throb, throb, throb, like the heartbeat of two lovers, strong and constant.
The rain now pelting with retribution, reducing the visibility to a little less than 5 meters, i maintained my speed, i needed to see her, flash of lightning, her face appears before me, that sad haunted face i imagine her to be revealing, all alone. I hate not being by her side, hate not making everything better, hate not..
I swerve, to avoid the out of control car coming towards me, not thinking… time slowed, mouth agape, this was it, what do i do?
Swerving still, struggling to maintain any control that remained with the car, it screeching in protest.
This was it, i saw a lamp post. Too late.
Shocked i slammed on the brakes.
Slowing, slowing, slowing, the lamp coming closer and closer, still too quickly.
Darkness.
Eyes flickering, my car. Stopped, in front of the lamp post, with little more than an inch to spare.
Shock.
-Roaring Fox
Golden Gate Jumper - Please HELP
Post Secret (Find it Here), last week, received a postcard which showed the following.
Following this postcard being posted on the website, many thousands of people instantly began replying telling them of their own stories of depression telling this anonymous sender to reconsider their thoughts, offering shelter, money, and even free professional assistance, even legal representation! A Facebook page was even created and within one week over 50,000 members have joined (find it here). A fan page has now been created due the phenomenal amount of fans joining, the page was unable to cope with its large post numbers informing of their love. (find it here).
For the people who are facing similar thoughts, please reconsider, at noon on Sunday (13.06.10) (Unsure what time zone… assuming its for that area) People are standing on the Golden Gate to promote this persons suffering, and to raise awareness of the ever growing issue.
This is for you, whoever you are. You are not alone, many people suffer what you do, it is not uncommon. There is help available!
For those who are suffering, please contact someone, even me, your best friend, family, parents, or even a helpline, there are many out there.
These are a few I know of. There are many more.
Lifeline 13 11 14 (Australia)
SPINZ 0800 376 633 (New Zealand)
Samaritans 08457 90 90 90 (UK)
Hope 1800 784 2433 (USA)
This is a fight against something extremely real, something that i know is out there. Depression is a hurtful occurrence, it needs to be stopped, help us out.
Please re-post this, so the maximum amount of people are aware of this, help is available. We may even send it to this person.
Make a difference to someone else’s life. It makes a huge impact.
Spread the message, Spread the love. This disease can be won.
Thank you. Your help is much appreciated.
An important message
Re-blog this to spread the message!!!
Hey you. Yes you. The one reading this. Think you’re too fat? Too skinny? What about too tall, short, ugly, worthless, or anything else along those lines? Well guess what. I think you all are beautiful. I think you all deserve to wake up with a smile on your face :), and go to bed with a smile on your face. You all deserve happiness. Screw the boy that broke your heart, and fuck the girl that messed with your feelings. Forget about your parents, and what they say to you. Don’t worry about them.
Think about your future.
How nice it’s going to be in 20 years from now, to be laying in a bed with the one you love, and just knowing that you’re the one that the other one wants to be with forever. Think about all the success you’re going to do, and how many smiles you’re going to put on someones face. Think about your future kids, and grand-children. Think about what you are going to do with your life. In 20 years from now, everything that is happening now, won’t matter ! at all. You might not remember anything that is happening right now. If you think you have it bad, think about all the things you have in life. Have a roof over your head? Yes, well someone else in this world doesn’t. Have clothes on your back? Yeah, well someone else in this world doesn’t. You have your friends? There’s someone else in the world that doesn’t.
You still have your life, you have your heart, your eyes, your ears, your legs, your feet, your arms, your hands, and most importantly, you have someone that is going to love you for who you are. You may not know them now, and you may not think that they do, but they do. And they will give up anything, just to be with you. Now, smile because you’re always going to have it better than someone else out there. Don’t frown because something happened, that isn’t going to matter later in life.
So please… Take my advice… It’s better for your health to be HAPPY. Try it. :) I know you can’t do it all the time, but most of the time you can try, yes?
Re-blog this to spread the message!!!
