I’m blunt, narcissistic, sarcastic, and up front about my opinions. My brutal honesty may hurt you, but I will always say it how I see it. I will always show my immense concern for someone that I care for, always extending a hand when required.

I often revel in the fact that I can tell from a mere glance whether someone needs to talk, a hug, or just an ear to speak to. With complete modesty, I can safely say I understand people well; and I’m glad to help them.

I just people would reciprocate it.

sonicwhip:

sourwolve:

thank u all for suicide awareness day writing the word love on your arm has actually stopped suicide happening altogether suicide no longer exists you did it guys

(Source: littlehospital, via butterflyshell)

The plea

Sitting on the leather bound couch, sniffing into a tissue, crying my soul out to the world, only to be heard by the man intent on monetary motivation.

And how does that make you feel? He asks bored, she’s just another cash source to him, she’s nothing to him, he doesn’t care.

I tell him my story and receive only blank stares, he’s not looking at me, he’s looking to the billboard behind him, the latest advert for the new range of lingerie released to the public by Victoria’s Secret.

The ring on his finger glinting in the sunlight drawn from the skylight above. He wasn’t even aware what i was saying.

I just can’t stand how people can just sit there and not listen to me, even when they pretend to…

Yes people do that, go on. He says in an automated response, his voice monotone, his scribbling making circular motions clearly outlining what he saw on the billboard behind me.

I brush my hair behind my ears, my eyes noticing the scars that lined the my wrist, they blared at me, glowing white as if a painful reminder of what was to come in my moments of solitude.

He stands up, pacing, his words drowned out by my thoughts of disgust, if he wouldn’t listen, who would.

The scars glowed hot again, my throat aching from the early morning purge. I was no one, no one. My tears running in a constant stream down my face, i couldn’t help it, i had no one, what could i possibly do.

Random sentences emerged through the psychologist’s rant. It will get to you.

… They cannot help it, they cannot help you, but i know something that can.

He got out his prescription pad, scribbling the words of a pharmaceutical drug, the name appearing all over his desk i noted as i stood up to take the prescription, letters of thanks for his avid support for their sales.

I sniffed back the rest of my soul, and heart, what was left of it. And exited alone, without the warmth of love, consideration, nor care that others would share with me.

Why wouldn’t anyone care for me, all i wanted was the love from someone.

This was nothing out of the ordinary. As i exited the lobby i sat down on the side walk without a care for anything, but my wrenched heart despite the large volumes of traffic rushing past me. I brushed my hair back in a weak attempt to calm it against the rush of wind that passed me with every vehicle, the scars there again, in front of me, a harsh reminder of reality. 

What would happen if i lent forward just that little bit, tipping me closer to the edge.

Who would care about me.

—-

This is a story dedicated to all of those who go through this, there is help out there, i’m not talking about the professional kind, there is always someone concerned for your well being, even strangers.

If you need to talk, talk, find someone.

Even me.

-Roaring Fox

Hidden Story

Its almost less than two weeks till the end of my schooling career, this year has been one of my worst ever. I have lost 6 people to suicide, one to a car crash and a break up of many great friendships.

There were many times where i just blamed myself, uncertain where to turn, who to turn to, as well as who to trust.

Time is moving forward, yet I’m not sure if I want to. 

Moving forward to me is like leaving them behind. 

I’m not sure if I’m ready for that.

These people were the greatest part of my lives, some of which relied upon me to keeping them going, losing them was like losing a piece of myself. Unable to cope with the world they decided to leave.

What most people don’t realise about suicide is that its not the selfish way out. I myself have contemplated the possibility many times yet never deep enough to feel the need to get to that stage. 

I guess what people don’t understand me is that behind this forced smile that I wear every single day is someone who is crying out for help, but cannot do so as I do not trust anyone. I don’t even know what compelled me to write this, It’s just coming to me as I had planned to write something else.

As of recent I have learnt to trust again, one person I have to thank for that, one I can trust with anything, whilst I’m not completely open about everything, they understand that, and for that I am forever grateful. 

I suppose holding it in hasn’t been the best thing that I could have done for me, whilst its motivated me to do other things, such as helping others, and provided inspiration and motivation to do things I had never done, if none of this had happened you would not be reading this, or any of my writings for that matter. 

I suppose all I am trying to say is, life has its surprises, its shocks and horrors as well as its unforgettable moments despite this, all it has in store for us, planned or not, whatever it is you believe in, everything happens for a reason and there is always something great in store for you. You just have to realise it, mine was this person, as well as finding the ability to write, something I am so glad to have found.

So to the few that have read all of this; thank you, whoever you are, you’ve contributed to making me who I am today, and I shall leave you with this advice.

Keep your heads held high, smile, and love like you’ve never loved before, for there is never enough in the world, you never know just how much you impact someone, for we all have a hidden story to us. Mean the things you do. Make meaning of the things you do, take the time to observe, and never underestimate the ability to do so, you will never regret it. 

Judge not, and be free. 

-Roaring Fox

(Source: roaringfox)

This is why.

Don Ritchie, i met him around a year ago on pure coincidence, having known of him through a friend.

For those who do not know of Don Ritchie, you may recognise him by the name: “Guardian Angel”.

Don Ritchie is a man who for over 50 years has watched over a cliff known as: “The Gap” the most notorious suicide location in Sydney, the worst in all of Australia with local residents suggesting that at least one person a week has attempted to commit suicide in that location.

However, this a majority of the time prevented by Don, and his voluntary service to watch over the lonely and desperate people who attempt to leave the world. To date Don reckons he has saved over 160 lives through personal assistance, and witnessed many more deciding better, and leaving.

Yet many do leave, however, upon meeting him i thanked him personally for being able to save my friends life. Three years ago my one of my friends attempted suicide at that very spot, whilst Don did not push into his personal life, he offered my friend to come to his house and talk things through.

Today marks the three years in which my friend attempted to end his life, thankfully he is still around today, all because of this man who asks for nothing in return, but the preservation of life and happiness.

It is Don who gave me the reason for caring so much, to understand that many need it, not necessarily anything major, but someone to talk to, someone to care.

And i do, still to this day, with everyone i meet, as many of you know.

To those who do not know me well, i always offer this, there is only one time where i am not contactable, and that is in 80 or so years when my time has come.

Until then you may ask for any assistance. Any whatsoever.

It does not bother me, no matter what you think.

I do it because i care.

There is always help.

Just ask.

-Roaring Fox