I cannot stand to hear your name,
I cannot bear witness to your gains.
You were the best thing ever,
only to leave me, now and forever.
We were the best of friends,
it was our way, how we broke the trends.
We shared and shed our tears.
Whilst fighting away our deepest fears.
Even from a distance our friendship took,
it was just friendship, but we were hooked.
Many hours and days talking together we spent,
Only to find your no further need to vent.
Silence from you was all I heard,
There was no communication, not a single word.
Betrayal was all that I could see.
For no consideration was given to me.
You left me behind with no explanation,
With my thoughts, and no destination.
We have never spoke, even to this day,
its been so long now, only 4 months away.
My feelings now mixed with regret,
I’m nothing, just hollowed and upset.
Someone came before your leaving,
they are truthful, never deceiving.
Now I feel nothing more than great debt,
for the one who brought light to my silhouette.
Forever grateful I shall be.
To the one who was true to me.
His eyes rose from his book, glancing at the door as he heard the three timed knock, his eyebrows furrowed; only one person knocked like that.
“What are you doing here.” He called as she entered the room struggling to open the door of his clothes covered floor.
“You really should clean this up you know Sean,” she sighed as she tiptoed across the floor, “This room used to be so neat.” She sat at the edge of his bed, her face in anguish; he didn’t notice as he returned to reading, grunting and shaking his head at her presence.
“You never answered my question.” He said, still focused on the book in front of him. His brow still furrowed as he started breathing through his nose.
Sighing again, she draped her arms around her crossed legs putting her head between her knees. A shadow covering her face as a cloud passed over the sun, rumblings of a storm in the distance.
“I have a confession to make, you’re not going to like it.” She took a breath, waiting for him to raise his head and look at her.
He continued reading.
“I’m moving out with Brian.”
His eyes shot up, wavering as the realisation hit him. The book flying out of his hands, as his body followed his head in shock, the book landing on the floor, camouflaging itself with the mess.
“How could you do this to me!” He yelled, “Why would you betray me like this?” Sitting up now. His hands clenched heavily, nails digging into his palms in an attempt to channel his anger.
“Betray you? How does this Betray you?” She returned yelling, her anger rising as he accused her. “You get what you want, me out of this place, you’ve been ignoring me ever since he asked me out!”
“Why do you think?” His voice now softening as he paused.
“I was in love with you.”
“Oh bullshit, you never loved me!” She screamed at him, tears forming at the ends of her downcast eyes, soft droplets revealing her torment.
“Yes!” He exclaimed, his voice now even softer, “I did… I never told you, because I was scared!”
She turned away, trying to wipe the tears away, stemming the flow, only to have her shoulders join them, shaking as she sobbed.
“Scared of what?” She stammered, her words forced with fear and sadness.
“Scared that you’d treat me like any other guy…. Like dirt” he uttered, his eyes downcast upon the ground. A look of hopelessness and regret washing across his face. “I was the best friend, you never saw me as anything more.”
“Of course I did!” She yelled, standing up now exasperated. “You just didn’t have the balls to do anything about it or the eyes to notice it!” She paused, getting up moving over to the door. “I gave you the chance, but you wouldn’t take it.”
“Goodbye”. She said, and slammed the door.
If he had looked closer, he would see the tears falling from her eyes, as she mouthed the words “I love you.”
Instead his eyes, now watering, had returned to the book lying open on the ground as she got up to leave. The book containing the journals of their time spent together. The page beginning with the lines:
Dear diary, today i’ll tell her what i feel.
Today I’ll tell her how much I love her.