Please, Please. She whimpered softly, Looking up to me, her face hidden by the silhouette created against the harsh light behind her, revealing open wounds across her arms and legs which she slowly caressed, grimacing as she did so.
Help me out of here, i’ll be good i promise… Tears began forming at the corners of her eyes. I can stop. I can do this! Her voice now quivering in time with her lower lip.
The pale whitewashed walls reflected her cold, pale and clammy skin, dripping with perspiration…
I stood watching, tears forming in my own eyes, she didn’t recognise me, i stood unable to move. In shock.
Her eyes, wide as the moon shining through the broken window beside me, lost their focus. Where have you gone!? Come back! Looking desperately around the room, for a solution to her mystery.
Still frozen to the spot i watched her as she collapsed in a heap, worn out by her body’s great expenditure of energy. Unable to move, this wasn’t her i knew.
Sobbing, her whole chest heaving in exhaustion, sadness, and desperation. Her head snapping up, pushing herself up, stumbling closer to me,her eyes still out of focus, unable to discern reality from fiction. Her hands pulling my face closer, cold and damp with sweat, Pulling my neck closer, still unable to move away i let my body directed.
Her hot breath spreading across my neck as she whispered undiscernable mumblings.
I want to go home.
Collapsing in a heap once more as her knees gave way, slowly falling i let her drop as i move my arms away from her, loosening their support.
I couldn’t handle this, this woman with an uncontrollable drug addiction, his woman who had no control over her life, or anything for that matter.
She was no longer my wife. She was no one.
6 am the clock flashing, buzzing at me, my cue to be as boring as possible; repeating my routine, day after day after day.
Stumbling out of bed in a tired stupor I moved into the bathroom, flicking my light on with a realisation of shock.
I shouldn’t have been so melodramatic the night before. My bloodshot eyes hollow from the lack of sleep, followed by the ratty fuzz that had begun forming around my jaw. Smelling like beer I upturned my lip in disgust at myself, preparing for the makeover that had to occur before the week began.
Following the boiling hot shower, the harsh cut of a two day old razor and the vigorous scrubbing of teeth and skin I was a new and different man. Now refreshed, revitalised, and re-born from the activities of the night before.
As I walked out the door to the brisk winters day environment I heaved a sigh in frustration my car, still not fixed from the various damages made by the crimes performed by local gangs. So I had to walk three blocks to the nearest bus stop. It was painful; my weight gain due to an unhealthy diet was a clear indication of my fitness. It had gotten away from me, my knees beginning to give way, despite my age of 38.
I saw the bus go past, the driver smiling, unwilling to stop for me, seeing my anguish.
I cursed in anger at his ignorance.
I sighed, now further frustrated. Sitting down on the park bench I shut my eyes in anguish, the next bus was not arriving for another hour and a half. I looked over the park to its soccer field and playground. The children playing soccer, swinging from the monkey bars, seeming as if they were unable to feel a sense of regret, despair or shame.
I felt a sense of sudden realisation. When had things changed? When was it in ones lives that things shifted so dramatically? From a sense of constant happiness, trust, and unconditional love for others and not having to plan more than a few hours in advance, to having to endure life on a daily basis, reducing yourself to making plans, and living for far fetched dreams?
What had I become? What had the rest of us become?
A child ran to his newly found friend. He had no knowledge of who he was or where he had come from, but it made no difference. For then, they were friends.
Someone came to sit beside me, a woman about my age. Without any inhibitions I asked her out, explaining the thought process for the past 10 minutes.
She smiled, genuinely, nodding enthusiastically out of curiosity or genuine interest, she never would tell me.
Even to this day of our happy marriage.